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I never got to say this because I didn't want to post up anything
anywhere saying rip auntie because I didn't want to anyone to know of
my heartache I've grown and learned to become a more mature person to
always handle what's going on in my life..just in MY life instead of
boasting it to the world of The loss of someone who I consider to be
my mother..I've learned that the world doesn't need to know my pain
and heartache..I've come to a turning point in my life were I find
myself empty hearted.. I haven't been doing anything right and nothing
seems to come my way but I just try to keep myself and my heart
optimistic as posible.. But I just find myself in a gutter.. Nothing I
ever say or do is ever considered to be the right choice of words or
actions... I feel now as if i'm just doing no good but wrong all the
positive I bring out of myself becomes a negative I find myself in a
stand point of not knowing what to do to make it right or to get what
I want... Sometimes I feel so lost and Alone knowing my aunts gone
when I look through my old conversations on my phone of that I had
with my aunt I find my self in the confusion of forgetting she's not
there to reply.. Were I stand is in the shadow of failure...failure as
a son..failure as a friend... Failure as a cousin... Failure as a
boyfriend.. Failre as a brother and failure in general.. As much as I
try to give there's nothing I Can physically emotionally or even
mentally do to earn what I think I deserve.. It's 5 am and I'm outside
in the cold feeling no feeling physically in my extemities and no
feeling mentally in my mind.. I wish as emo as is sounds that god
would just take me.. Or even just tell me how to be the person that
deserves I've done nothing but
dissappoint ..anger...frustrate..annoy..Push away everything I don't
want to do anything anymore as my heart remains empty and my voice
remain unheard my mind is a blank. I want to sleep knowing I won't
wake up.