is a goood day :)
i feeel rejuvenated
and i miss klarissa like crazy
goooood day to you
April 29, 2009
April 27, 2009
my minds a freeway
as of right now i just got home from the gf's house cause i figured hey she's sleepy so i'm going to let her sleep but i can't sleep..and i feel like tonight i'm going to sleep in my room tonight cause i feel like being alone right now. As of right now i got a lot of things in my mind. From family to relationships..to my own intuitions to life.
As i just sit on my desk in the dark and its about 20 to 3 am..playing that paradox lovers..i sit here with a lot on my mind thinking about the what ifs?..hoping for too much...wanting more than i need...and over thinking the smallest things...but most of all i got 4 things in my mind....my family...myself...my love...and my life.
i don't know why i'm constantly thinking..although sometimes i might say i got nothing on my mind..i actually have a lot on my mind. I'm at a constant pace when it comes to thinking about anything...it seems i can't sleep at night because my mind isn't clear of thoughts because the very thought of any subject opens up ideas and thoughts in my mind about that subject and i find myself in a constant battle to stop thinking and clear my mind so i can finally attain peace...but at the same time i can't help but thinking..and thinking..and thinking..
when i think of my family...i think about the family i thought i had. Although to some people they know i have a family because they see it that i do. But the only people to fully understand what status i stand on when it comes to having a family is my brother. I hate thinking about my family because it breaks my heart. I'm always thinking who's next? I've lost a handful of people throughout the years whether through death or just simply them walking out the door. When i think about these hard times i always wonder..is it really okay to have lost so many people in so little time?
i always ponder..who's next?
when i think about myself i'm always thinking about things i want for myself..but i find that to be very selfish...but at the same time does it mean i'm just very determined when it comes to already thinking or even knowing how i want certain things are suppose to be for me or things i want in life? i don't know. But one thing i do know is that when i think about myself..i ask the same question every night of my life. What is the next step? When i ask myself that i ask myself because i want to open my mind so i can see where the next step is in my life. I think this because i wonder...with all i've done in life..is this the next step that is really for me? Honestly when i think about of the type of person i am...i can surely say i'm far from perfect. I say this because all my life...from the beginning of my life in highschool to the end of 2007...i've lied to everyone about me. I've said things that weren't true...made promises i know i was not going to uphold...i've said certain things that were lies to the ones i loved...i've created myself..based on what other people would think of me. not only did i lie to people i lied to myself. i have so many imperfections i find myself at the beginning of the path to perfection with both of my feet tied to the beginning. When i look at how i've grown as a person from 2007 til now. I think to myself why do i not regret being how i was in high school? and i answer that question by saying it's because if i didn't live like that..i would never be the person i am now.
when i think about my love i always over analyze the bad in people than the good. I find myself doing this because i've had so many relationships in my life where i can surely say i've experienced it all from heartbreaks to broken hearts and heart aches to the aches of my knees. i guess you can say i think about loving someone so much that it brings me to the point of the heartache of losing something great.
but the thing i think of the most is life....because when i think about life...life generalizes it all because when you think about life...life is what? its the way we live it..who are we loving in it..who we create ourselves to be...our future...our wants and needs, etc. It sums it all up but with your life you always have the topic of something about your life..for me it has to do with how i feel. Right now i feel like there is no one there who understands how i truly feel. The truth is sometimes...i don't feel at ease with whats going on in my life. I wish that sometimes i just want an ear to talk to and arms to embrace me...and nothing else..no voice..no lust...no money...no expectations..just an open ear to listen and take in the information i give and arms to embrace me without letting go. Lately i've been feeling selfish because i wish that i just want to be prioritized. I want things i know i can't have. I hope for so much that i find myself only in disappointment.
all i want is for my needs to be fulfilled
i wish loved ones would take it that extra mile.
my eyes are heavy but my minds still going but my fingers are getting tired. so i'm finishing this.
p.s. ughh
As i just sit on my desk in the dark and its about 20 to 3 am..playing that paradox lovers..i sit here with a lot on my mind thinking about the what ifs?..hoping for too much...wanting more than i need...and over thinking the smallest things...but most of all i got 4 things in my mind....my family...myself...my love...and my life.
i don't know why i'm constantly thinking..although sometimes i might say i got nothing on my mind..i actually have a lot on my mind. I'm at a constant pace when it comes to thinking about anything...it seems i can't sleep at night because my mind isn't clear of thoughts because the very thought of any subject opens up ideas and thoughts in my mind about that subject and i find myself in a constant battle to stop thinking and clear my mind so i can finally attain peace...but at the same time i can't help but thinking..and thinking..and thinking..
when i think of my family...i think about the family i thought i had. Although to some people they know i have a family because they see it that i do. But the only people to fully understand what status i stand on when it comes to having a family is my brother. I hate thinking about my family because it breaks my heart. I'm always thinking who's next? I've lost a handful of people throughout the years whether through death or just simply them walking out the door. When i think about these hard times i always wonder..is it really okay to have lost so many people in so little time?
i always ponder..who's next?
when i think about myself i'm always thinking about things i want for myself..but i find that to be very selfish...but at the same time does it mean i'm just very determined when it comes to already thinking or even knowing how i want certain things are suppose to be for me or things i want in life? i don't know. But one thing i do know is that when i think about myself..i ask the same question every night of my life. What is the next step? When i ask myself that i ask myself because i want to open my mind so i can see where the next step is in my life. I think this because i wonder...with all i've done in life..is this the next step that is really for me? Honestly when i think about of the type of person i am...i can surely say i'm far from perfect. I say this because all my life...from the beginning of my life in highschool to the end of 2007...i've lied to everyone about me. I've said things that weren't true...made promises i know i was not going to uphold...i've said certain things that were lies to the ones i loved...i've created myself..based on what other people would think of me. not only did i lie to people i lied to myself. i have so many imperfections i find myself at the beginning of the path to perfection with both of my feet tied to the beginning. When i look at how i've grown as a person from 2007 til now. I think to myself why do i not regret being how i was in high school? and i answer that question by saying it's because if i didn't live like that..i would never be the person i am now.
when i think about my love i always over analyze the bad in people than the good. I find myself doing this because i've had so many relationships in my life where i can surely say i've experienced it all from heartbreaks to broken hearts and heart aches to the aches of my knees. i guess you can say i think about loving someone so much that it brings me to the point of the heartache of losing something great.
but the thing i think of the most is life....because when i think about life...life generalizes it all because when you think about life...life is what? its the way we live it..who are we loving in it..who we create ourselves to be...our future...our wants and needs, etc. It sums it all up but with your life you always have the topic of something about your life..for me it has to do with how i feel. Right now i feel like there is no one there who understands how i truly feel. The truth is sometimes...i don't feel at ease with whats going on in my life. I wish that sometimes i just want an ear to talk to and arms to embrace me...and nothing else..no voice..no lust...no money...no expectations..just an open ear to listen and take in the information i give and arms to embrace me without letting go. Lately i've been feeling selfish because i wish that i just want to be prioritized. I want things i know i can't have. I hope for so much that i find myself only in disappointment.
all i want is for my needs to be fulfilled
i wish loved ones would take it that extra mile.
my eyes are heavy but my minds still going but my fingers are getting tired. so i'm finishing this.
p.s. ughh
April 25, 2009
this always makes me happy
cliche but nice
I want a love like me, thinking of you, thinking of me,
thinking of you type love
or, me telling my friends more than I've ever admitted to
myself about how I feel about you type love
or, hating how jealous you are, but loving how much you
want me all to your self type love,
or seeing how your first name just sounds so good next to my last name,
and shit, I wanted to see how far I could get without
calling you, and I barely made it out of my garage.
See, I want a love that makes me wait until she falls
asleep then wonder if she dreaming about us being in love
type love,
or who loves the other more,
or what she's doing at this exact moment,
or slow dancing in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts, closing my eyes and imagining how a love so good could just hurt so much when she's not there.
Shit, I love not knowing where this love is headed type love.
And check this, I want to place those little post-it notes
all around the house so she never forgets how much I love her type love then not have enough ink in my pen to write
all there is to love about her type love.
Hope that I make her feel as good as she makes me feel, like believing that her being in my life makes me a better person type love or I want her to distract me form whatever I'm doing type love
and I want to deal with my friends making fun of me the
way I made fun of them when they went through the same kind of love type love.
Only difference is this is one of those real love type loves.
and just like in high school, I want to spend hours on the phone with her not saying shit,
then fall asleep then wake up with HER right next to me,
and smell her all up in my covers type love
I want to try to counting the ways I love her, and then
lose count in the middle just so that I have to start all
over again type love
I want to celebrate one of those month anniversaries even
though they ain't really anniversaries, but doin' it just
cause it makes her happy type love.
And I want to break down the time we spend together into seconds just so it sounds like we spend more time together type love
And check this, I want fall in love with the melody the
phone plays when her number is dialed into it type loves
and then talk to her until I lose my breath, she leaves me breathless, but with the expanding of my lungs I inhale all of her back into me
I want a love that makes me need to change my cell phone calling plan to something that allows me to talk to her longer
because, in all honesty, I want to avoid one of them high cell phone bill type loves.
I want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are
I mean the lines on my palms don't give me enough time to love her as long as I'd like to type loves,
and I want a love that makes me st-st-st-st-stutter just thinking
about how strong this love is type love.
I want a love that makes me want to cut off all my hair
Well, maybe not all of the hair
maybe just cut the split ends and trim my mustache, but
it will still be a symbol of how strong my love is for her.
And check this, I kinda feel comfortable now, so I can tell y'all this I even be fantasizing about walking out on a green light just dying to get hit by a car just so I could lose my memory
get transported to some third world country just to get treated then somehow meet up again with you so that I could fall in love with you in a different language to see if it still feels the same
I want a love that's as unexplainable as she is, but I'm married, so she is going to be the one that I share this love with.
I want a love like me, thinking of you, thinking of me,
thinking of you type love
or, me telling my friends more than I've ever admitted to
myself about how I feel about you type love
or, hating how jealous you are, but loving how much you
want me all to your self type love,
or seeing how your first name just sounds so good next to my last name,
and shit, I wanted to see how far I could get without
calling you, and I barely made it out of my garage.
See, I want a love that makes me wait until she falls
asleep then wonder if she dreaming about us being in love
type love,
or who loves the other more,
or what she's doing at this exact moment,
or slow dancing in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts, closing my eyes and imagining how a love so good could just hurt so much when she's not there.
Shit, I love not knowing where this love is headed type love.
And check this, I want to place those little post-it notes
all around the house so she never forgets how much I love her type love then not have enough ink in my pen to write
all there is to love about her type love.
Hope that I make her feel as good as she makes me feel, like believing that her being in my life makes me a better person type love or I want her to distract me form whatever I'm doing type love
and I want to deal with my friends making fun of me the
way I made fun of them when they went through the same kind of love type love.
Only difference is this is one of those real love type loves.
and just like in high school, I want to spend hours on the phone with her not saying shit,
then fall asleep then wake up with HER right next to me,
and smell her all up in my covers type love
I want to try to counting the ways I love her, and then
lose count in the middle just so that I have to start all
over again type love
I want to celebrate one of those month anniversaries even
though they ain't really anniversaries, but doin' it just
cause it makes her happy type love.
And I want to break down the time we spend together into seconds just so it sounds like we spend more time together type love
And check this, I want fall in love with the melody the
phone plays when her number is dialed into it type loves
and then talk to her until I lose my breath, she leaves me breathless, but with the expanding of my lungs I inhale all of her back into me
I want a love that makes me need to change my cell phone calling plan to something that allows me to talk to her longer
because, in all honesty, I want to avoid one of them high cell phone bill type loves.
I want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are
I mean the lines on my palms don't give me enough time to love her as long as I'd like to type loves,
and I want a love that makes me st-st-st-st-stutter just thinking
about how strong this love is type love.
I want a love that makes me want to cut off all my hair
Well, maybe not all of the hair
maybe just cut the split ends and trim my mustache, but
it will still be a symbol of how strong my love is for her.
And check this, I kinda feel comfortable now, so I can tell y'all this I even be fantasizing about walking out on a green light just dying to get hit by a car just so I could lose my memory
get transported to some third world country just to get treated then somehow meet up again with you so that I could fall in love with you in a different language to see if it still feels the same
I want a love that's as unexplainable as she is, but I'm married, so she is going to be the one that I share this love with.
piercing
is what it feels like right now
some things said really hurt more than
they can imagine...well..tired as fuck
but i got a long drive to take..
even if i haven't slept knowing if i do
i wouldn't wake up so i'm staying up so i
can get there bright and early...
as hurt as i am...i'm dumb enough to drop
my pride.
hope it works.
some things said really hurt more than
they can imagine...well..tired as fuck
but i got a long drive to take..
even if i haven't slept knowing if i do
i wouldn't wake up so i'm staying up so i
can get there bright and early...
as hurt as i am...i'm dumb enough to drop
my pride.
hope it works.
April 21, 2009
April 19, 2009
fuck
ughh..i got hardly no sleep. I don't know whyy i won't just sleep usually i would sleep easily and sleep alot...i don't know..maybe i got too much on my mind lately so now i gotta just let some of it out of my head..
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh
first things first...i have a lot of things i'm thinking about..
but i can't seem to talk about it..or write about it..when i'm pushing myself to write something it doesn't come out...honestly i just feel like cussing right now fuck.!
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh
first things first...i have a lot of things i'm thinking about..
but i can't seem to talk about it..or write about it..when i'm pushing myself to write something it doesn't come out...honestly i just feel like cussing right now fuck.!
April 15, 2009
good people
life is surrounded by millions of assholes, jackasses, shady people, etc..
but in life you can find some good people out there.
i think i have.
i'm going to go more in depth later i just felt like updating :)
p.s. i've been waiting in corona.
but in life you can find some good people out there.
i think i have.
i'm going to go more in depth later i just felt like updating :)
p.s. i've been waiting in corona.
April 11, 2009
April 10, 2009
fuck this
as of 11:20 pm
the only family i have left is my brother..
the only person staying true
i've been lied to...
told to keep secrets from relatives..
my parents didn't have a real marriage..
full of bullshit
if your a friend. and your reading this.
please don't contact me.
or try to get a hold of me.
i won't pick it up.
the only family i have left is my brother..
the only person staying true
i've been lied to...
told to keep secrets from relatives..
my parents didn't have a real marriage..
full of bullshit
if your a friend. and your reading this.
please don't contact me.
or try to get a hold of me.
i won't pick it up.
the game?
this is why everyone should love common
he's dope
and the video was directed by a greaaaat and creative director
by the name of Nabil Elderkin
fuccken dope
BLOGS
hahaha i found a blog
i like
its called "Stuff white people like"
whats the blog about?
no deep meaning just straight forward...stuff white people like! lol
gooodnight
<3 klarissa
i like
its called "Stuff white people like"
whats the blog about?
no deep meaning just straight forward...stuff white people like! lol
gooodnight
<3 klarissa
which one are you?
i was reading a couple blogs and i passed by this blog called the "think movement" and i really liked the whole idea of having random post about things that just make you exercise the wrinkles in your brain....
here's a post i thought was really something you need to find out about yourself.
"Fellow thinker and inspirational writer Orison Swett Marden said that, “There are three type of people in the world. There’s the wills, the won’ts and the can’ts. The first accomplish everything: the second oppose everything: the third fail at everything.”
Now I ask you, is there a difference in the one which best defines you and the one which best defines your cirlce of influence?"
which one are you?
here's a post i thought was really something you need to find out about yourself.
"Fellow thinker and inspirational writer Orison Swett Marden said that, “There are three type of people in the world. There’s the wills, the won’ts and the can’ts. The first accomplish everything: the second oppose everything: the third fail at everything.”
Now I ask you, is there a difference in the one which best defines you and the one which best defines your cirlce of influence?"
which one are you?
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