Alone

As i sit here yet another night home alone not knowing where my brother by the countless empty calls and the unknown presence of where my mom is as her car sits in the garage with her no where to be found. All the love left for me lies on a table in the form of a rectangular gold plastic to help me survive. With the house alone the mellow easy tunes of Soul P. running through my ears comforting my mind i sit alone with an exterior blanket of strength, power, fearlessness, and courageousness, hiding the lonely, scared, timid, fearful soul of mine. With thoughts running through my mind like a information highway i sit here in fear as the main road never ceases to conquer all my other thoughts. The fear of being so alone in the dark and so unwanted by anyone because of my selfishness. The fear of leaving, without ever being noticed gone. The fear of knowing your self destruction and know that i haven't even begun my wants nor my needs in life.

as i'm sitting here i'm thinking to myself.."what have i done?" It seems like i have no family to run to...no brother to watch over me like a shadow.. no mother to nurture me...and no father to lead me. I think sometimes what is there that i have...that i can give to someone else?

home alone again....goodnight...i can't comprehend whats going through my mind and why my tears do not cease to fall down my cheek....i don't know whyy a simple drive home could make me tear...i don't have the strength to hide the tears from anyone..anymore