Ten days...

soo...i'm trying my hardest to update this but im usually only in the mood to do this either when i'm really happy...or trying to get my mind of things and to vent...but the only thing i have to write in here...is just the fact that i feel so fucken left out...i'm in a relationship were let's just say i've been putting out all the effort to call say hello...or just hang out...i know many of my good friends tell me some things i don't want to hear about because it just gets me down in the dumps..but i know i clearly told on of my closest friends that i trust my girlfriend and i know shes just busy...and some of my friends tell me that i should just wait for her to call but..its tough..theres soo many different emotions running around my heart and so many different thoughts scattered around my mind..like one in my heart tells me that i miss her sooo bad but at the same time i try to let her know that and i still don't get a single phone call...or even small text.. in my mind im scaring myself because i wish and hoped that things would not change from the time before school started but i know that it won't change unless i let it change...UGHHHHHHHHHHHH.........i miss you so much...its heart wrenching to feel this way...


today i find myself just constantly finding these little hints and shit and it bothers me it's like everywere i go to find some peace away from the stress of missing someone so much for some reason the stress is right there or theres just a little reminder of "why" i'm trying to find some peace and stress relief.. like this morning..i woke up fuccken twice because i thought i was talking to her...and i found myself just waking up to seeing my phone lying on the dresser...and when i went to the living room to watch some tv a stupid ass song about "missing someone" came on so i turned it off and called some of my friends to see if they would be able to get things off my mind...but when we went to eat at banana bay it was love song after love song playing and it was just tooo much!

if you're reading this...whoever you are..if you know the pain and sorrow i'm going through right now...pleease...tell me how you're coping with it...because the way i feel right now...is like someone in quicksand..cause no matter how hard i try to get my way out of this pain and stress...i just keep plunging deeper and deeper in...like seriously...i wouldn't be in this much pain if i didn't care soooo much and deeply for someone or if that someone wasn't so special to me...

i just wish....she only knew the pain i go through everyday to just wanna hear her voice on the other line...left and right there have been tons of my close friends who are now getting themselves into there own relationships..and it makes me jealous because i used to be the one all sprung at the sight of a text message...all giddy at the site of her face as she would walk into work...or in complete shock in awe by what suprise she had in store awaiting for me later that evening..i miss soooo much...she is someone so dear to me that i can't BELIEVE i'm letting myself stress about this and be in this kind of pain over her....


i guess its because shes that special...and i know in my heart no matter what someone says about her or whatever i trust her....